Bleh

Ya, I haven’t blogged in a while. My explanation is that I’ve started to feel like I’m being beaten with a stick. I work at least 8 hours, 6 days a week, and Sunday isn’t entirely a day off. It has given me a wonderful insight in to why dad loves the sand dune islands so much though. You feel so burned out by fishing, that you don’t want to do anything. Blog, e-mail, facebook, or dealing with anybody takes all of the life out of you and you just want to be somewhere with no social obligations.

I’m already sketching out plans for a “me” trip somewhere on those dunes. The rough plan is to kayak alone out to the island and camp there for 2/3 days. It’ll be the first actual alone time I’ve gotten since being home. Some people would think I’m crazy, but most of those are the technologically dependent & or socially extroverted people. I don’t fall into the latter category, although I do find it enjoyable being around people is very draining for me. As for the former category, I think I’ve proved by not updating the blog these last couple of weeks that I am undependent on the electronic social network of today. If the blog doesn’t convince you, then look at my facebook profile, it hasn’t been updated in the last few weeks either.

"Beutiful" 20 Knot day

Today was a fun day on the boat. We logged in a 10 hour day, it was rough, raining, and windy (My definition of rough by the way is when you can’t see anything but the aerials of another boat when you are at the crest of the wave and they are in the trough). A long day or a rough day, are stressful enough by themselves. When combined they create an exhausting day.

It was great to see how far I’ve come in my fishing though. In my second year we were out on a day not as bad as this one, I was rather vocal about how we should be at home waiting the storm out. The day similar to this in year three I had a bad attitude, but I didn’t vocalize my thoughts. Year six (this year) its just another day, I don’t complain, I kept a positive attitude, and when the traps fell off the washboard I put them back on and kept going. It’s shown me how far I’ve come in the last five years.

I’m still tired, I guess that hasn’t changed. What’s to be expected though, even dad was exhausted after today and he’s been doing it longer than I’ve been alive. I’m hoping tomorrow will either be nicer, or will be so bad that we can’t leave the harbour.

I saw the future, but I couldn't see what was in it.

I’ve been doing some thinking lately. Most of it is either incoherent or completely fictional so I won’t mention the bulk of it. But what I’m zeroing in on it the thoughts about what to do for the rest of my life. I need to figure out what I want to do, and fast, but I’m finding it difficult to decide what I want to do. I feel like there are so many options, and I have too little time to review them.

I don’t know if anyone at the college noticed or not, but I’m not really a decisive person. I have a hard time choosing between things, even when they appear to be exact opposites. It’s part of why many of my decisions are made slowly, and why I’m rather stubborn about reviewing the options again when a new one comes up.

This will be one of the bigger decisions of my life, and I want to be sure that I get it right. At the same time I want to get my decision over with quickly. I also want some meat, and there doesn’t appear to be any in this house. Oops, one of the of the bulk ones escaped. Maybe it’s time for a nap, or another episode of the X files, or I could look for meat, it is suppertime.

Facebook= (>.<)

So for anyone who checks my blog, my facebook is frozen, and that’s why I haven’t changed anything on it. Stupid dial-up, and stupid people who designed a popular networking program for “everyone” that requires something that not everyone has. Oh well, I hate facebook anyway.

A lot has happened in the last while so here is the summary.

I’ve been fishing for the last couple of weeks, and I am so glad to be back. As I figured it regulated my sleep schedule, so I’m back to the 9:30/10 PM – 5:30/AM sleep times, without an alarm! I feel rejuvenated.  It’s been nice on the water, and I’ve been able to clearly see most of the sunrises so far. Let me assure you, no sunrise can be more beautiful than one seen rising from the water. The bad side is that lobster is only 2.75 a pound. For the people who don’t exactly understand how bad that is, Grampy needs at least 4 $ a pound to break even.

I finally got around to ordering a nice recurve bow. I ordered a Chek Mate bow with black walnut limbs, 58 inches tall, 29 inch draw length, and 55 pound draw. The awesome news is that each order is custom made and costs about 300 dollars Canadian! Bad news is that because its custom made, and they are very cheap and popular it will take up to 8 months for them to make it and send it to me. It’ll still be a fantastic Christmas present.

I taught our adult Sunday school class this last Sunday. I felt nervous, but I used the training and knowledge I gained from MCC so everything came together fairly well. I’d tell you what the lesson was, but the book is far from my reach right now. Dad says I did such a great job that he’s going to take the summer off and let me teach Sunday school for the rest of the summer (>_<). Worse things could happen I suppose, he’s after Ted to preach a sermon sometime soon. I think he’s trying to train us to do his jobs so he doesn’t have to do anything.

Update next week

Graduation

I GRADUATED! I got my Biblical Studies Certificate from MCC, I’ve finished my first year at college. 

It’s been an amazing year, learning how to be on my own, meeting new people, making new friends who share what I believe and what I’m passionate about, and deepening my knowledge understanding of God. I am so thankful for being able to take this year to learn my faith, and here I will thank everyone by name (In no particular order) that helped me make it through.

John MacDonald – I thank you for your opinions, when I needed my view challenged you gave me a new perspective, another angle to judge something by. I thank you for your diverse tastes in everything, and I thank you for introducing me to Red Bull.

Darrell Haines – I thank you for your inconsistency.  When I needed a laugh you were there with the “right” comment to make. I also thank you for your personal advice, and for showing me that its OK I don’t have to worry.

Vincent Arsenault – I thank you for showing me “It’s not so bad”. I also thank you for your realism when I needed it. I also have you to thank for getting me into the foosball playoffs, coming in when I need some stress relief or a break and asking if I want to play a game.

Jason McVicar – I thank you for your perspective. When I asked, or even simply brought up a subject you would show me the facts about what your stance was. You also helped to dispel some of the fear I have when I teach anybody about God, if I end up going into ministry it’ll be your fault. I also thank you for giving me a simple workout routine that I can actually stick to, and for introducing me to Utopia.

James Stevenson – I thank you for toughening me up. I always prayed for patience and God answered me. You helped me learn to laugh things off, no matter how severe they sound. I also thank you for when you presented your serious side. It showed me that it’s possible to live through this world and retain your own views and your faith.

Robbie Sevilla – I thank you for your advice, it helped me shape the way I do things. I also thank you for giving me chances to try things that I never thought I could do, and showing me that I can succeed. I also thank you for your sense of humour.

Simon Macintyre – I thank you for showing me that it’s possible to live off a diet of pure salt. I also thank you for showing me that I don’t have to be good at everything, just good at what I do.

 

I wish everyone well over the summer, I will miss you all.

Ugh

So I'm back on P.E.I., I still have two shows left to do. The trip was good. We some how managed to get a tour bus despite the fact we weren't going to get one originally. THOSE THINGS ARE LOADED. There was a bathroom (we didn't use this out of courtesy for everyone else), A DVD player with screens for everyone. To top it off it was a 56 passenger bus, there was 11 of us including Fred (College president).

I'm starting to get sad now though. I've been informed by my parents that I'm coming home on Thursday night. This means that I won't be able to spend any truly free time with the friends I've made here. I'm going to miss them, they've become a large part of my life. I wish I could spend the two days before graduation with them before I have to go home and revert back to the introverted antisocial mushroom I am at home. 

This year has been great and I wish it didn't have to end, that it doesn't have to change. But such is life on this side of heaven. 

Excitement

I finished my exams yesterday, O don't think I did too bad. I answered all the questions on them anyway.

"Why is Ben up at quarter to six, and blogging?" There are three reasons for this. 

1. Ben is a fisherman and a morning person. My attitude goes down the later I get up, although I've worked on that over this year and I'm much less crabby when I stay up late, get up late, or lose 4-all hours my sleep for one night
   
2. I got that butterfly feeling in my stomach I get Christmas morning. 
3. Explains reason 2. Choir tour starts today, and I'm as nervous as I am excited. I still need to pack in fact. But I don't think I'll be able to blog while on the road. So I'm getting one in right now.

I almost don't want to do this, but I want to as well, because I've invested hours into getting my lines ready for this. If dad decides to come and get me after the tour like he's planning, this will be the last thing I do with my friends here. I'm gonna save the emotional blog for when I get back from the tour.

So close!

The end of school is so close I can almost taste it. But yet it is so far away... I want to go home. Not to sleep all day, but to sleep from 9-5. I want to stay here though too. I'm gonna miss everyone at the college. 

Something I know I'll miss for sure is road hockey. We played today, we may play again on Thursday. I had a pretty good game. I watched some You Tube videos of goalies to see if I could improve my game any. The only thing I gleaned from my short search was a quick tip on the initial stance. It said to hold the glove up, previously I'd hold the glove more or less at my side, the crook of my elbow pointed down like ^. I started holding the glove up so the crook was pointed like a v. My new knowledge was rewarded. My response time went up, I blocked more shots, and I made a beautiful glove save (I snatched it out of the air) that I know I wouldn't have made if my glove wasn't held up. 

I never liked playing any sports until I started playing road hockey here. The guys have been great, letting me play goalie all the time (I think I'm the only one who likes playing goalie anyway) giving me tips, and having the patience to let me learn my position. I'll miss it over the summer, I just hope I don't get rusty, or forget anything I've learned on how to play.  

Quicky

I'm just sitting here watching hockey night in Canada between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh (Odd?). I'm running down the home stretch in school, not much work left to do except study. 

I've been thinking lately, but I'm not sure what I'm thinking about. I've caught myself randomly staring off in to space, my mind wandering everywhere and nowhere. When I catch myself I lose my train of thought and can't remember what I was thinking of/about. 

Ted would know what skit I'm thinking of when I say my mind has been forwarding messages to my fax machine. He was right, it is an inefficient process.

HOME! NOW!

I went home to spend the weekend relaxing. While home I discovered a number of intriguing things.

1. Books are more addicting than video games for me. 

True, I spent a good section of my weekend playing video games.  But I saw To Green Angel Tower Part 1 sitting cross ways on my book shelf. I realized that I had gotten it for Christmas, and I had reread the first two books over the final days of Christmas break, but had never returned to reread Part 1 and 2 of To Green Angel Tower. I spent 4 hours Monday afternoon reading 350 pages of that 750 page book. With video games I spend 1-2 hour increments, then I have to take at least a break before returning to the game. With books I can read as long as I'm awake. The only reason I stopped for supper is because I also had to use the bathroom and realized what time it was.

2. I miss home.

I went home and I went for a couple walks out in the woods, despite the stormy weather, and I realized that I haven't gone for a walk outside since I was home last. While I've been living in Charlottetown I've come to realize I hate living in the city. Oh sure, "This is the boonies" says John, but this is more than I can handle all the same. I feel no motivation to go outside at all. I only leave the building if someone says "Hey we're going ____. Want to come?" I just can't handle it. I did go for 1 walk in the city. It was at 6:00 in the morning and a blizzard out, and yet there was still a wicked load of traffic on University. I finally gave up on my plan to walk downtown and just walked around in the suburbs where there was peace.

3. Sleep is good.

I got my sleep cycle partially regulated while I was at home. Regular being in bed at 9:00, up at 5:00. And I discovered that my assessment in an earlier post was correct. I can do the 11-7 thing, even the 12-8 thing now, but I'm on a drain due to its abnormality. even though it's 8 hours, I just can't seem to fully adjust. When I was home my clock began to repair itself, and for the first time since I've started feeling drained and depressed last month, I felt rested, happy, and energetic.  I'm ashamed I'm breaking that so needed restoration even as I type right now.

I can't wait to get home. Regulate my sleep, go for quiet woods walks, read books for my own leisure and entertainment, and be done of school for another year. I'll post later about how sad I am that I won't see the friends I've made here.

Stuff

We played road hockey today. I had one of my better games as a goalie, I made saves that I thought weren't possible. I think I may have some bruises to show when I go home as the trade off.

I'm going home for the weekend. As much as I love the College, its in the city. I just don't really enjoy the urban environment. When I was home I would go for one or two 30min-90min walks, just because I enjoy them. When I got to the College I basically never left the building. I only leave if I'm going somewhere, I never just go for a leisurely walk. I did once. But it was during a snow storm, so there was no traffic, made me wish I was home.

There's a path in the back corner of the woods, if you follow it all the way it goes for about a mile, maybe two, into the forest. I love walking that in the fall and spring(no mosquitoes), because it's entirely private, no one uses it, and there's a forest between every road and house, so no one can see you while your on it. 

I can't wait to go home and use this path, it'll relive some stress for me.

Music

So I'm sitting on five chairs in the Chapel listening to Robbie and James jam (Robbie-guitar James-Fish). It reminds me of how much I love music. I don't think I've always been muscially inclined, I'd have to check with Mom and Dad, but the longer I live the more I seem to like music and wish I had really started earlier. I drum now, and I used to play the trombone. I kinda wish I could play the Piano. I love music though, I like to listen to it at all times, and I love making it more than I like to listen to it. 

I think I'll join them on the stage.

Lack of Courtesy?

The mundane first, we played ball hockey yesterday despite the dampness. Our shoes will take a few days to dry out though mine were soaked through, and I didn't run through any puddles. I am happy to say though that my team won two of the three games we played.

 

On to the meat of the post, the lack of common courtesy in our modern society. 

Yesterday was a bad day for remembering things. I didn't remember that we had choir practice in the morning (and set a new record for a non-sick sleep in 8:48) so  I didn't get to do the work I had planned for the morning. At 12:30 approximately I realized I wouldn't get any work in the afternoon either because we were playing ball hockey at 2:00. Then at ball hockey Lydia was nice enough to remind me that I was going to a movie with Shaneese, Abby, and Jeromie to celebrate Shaneese's birthday at 5:30. I did manage to squeeze in the time for a shower between the time I got back (5:00) and the time we left. While at the theatre though, I held the door open for everyone, just as I was about to let it close two people walked across the street obviously heading for the entrance I was in. So being the nice person I am I held the door open for them, but instead of entering through the door I was holding open for them, they went around and entered through the other door! I might understand if they were a little closer to that door, but they stopped right in front of the door I was holding open, turned left, walked around the open door, and then entered.

 

Were these people so unaccustomed to people holding the door open that they didn't understand what I was doing? Did they genuinely not see that the door was open? Or were they trying to avoid me? I've toyed before with the idea that such things as automatic doors have removed common courtesies (Like holding the door open) from our society. We don't remember to hold the door for people because we don't need that reflex. We don't say thank you to the cashier, they're just doing their job. We don't let people go ahead of us in a line; we have problems of our own. 

 

Our world seems to have become a cold place. I remember in MacLean’s magazine they had a nation wide courtesy test, they checked who would give them service with a smile for a small purchase (such as a pen, or gum), who would stop to help someone who fell down and dropped a large stack of papers all over the place, and who would hold the door open for them when they followed close behind. If I remember correctly (please correct me if I'm wrong dad) the highest scoring city only had 70%. The next runners up having 60%, and it goes downhill from there. One of the most common excuses for not stopping to help someone though war basically "I'm too busy." 

I think we are failing to teach things which make life easier to live in, things like courtesy and chivalry. Sooner or later we are going to have to deal with the effects, but for now I will be a hero of courtesy. Being kind, and promoting my view of chivalry on the world.

No point

So I'm sitting here in class and our professor is running late, and I noticed that the Blog needed an update so here it is.

The year photo is today. I don't mind that so much, but my shirts and my best pants need to be ironed (and I do know how to do that). I guess I'll have to do it imbetween classes. I can only hope that both sides of my shirt turn out the same, I start to get lazy after a point (and I will be in a hurry).

Tomorrow we might be playing road hockey, that'll be fun. I play one of the goalies so my job is to put my body imbetween a flying piece of solid rubber and a net that is slightly too large for my liking. That's OK though, I prefer that to running around and having to block shots without the equipment. 

Well that sucks

The mood has passed, more or less. I still feel it near by, but its more like I'm looking at it instead of experiencing it. I think I've realised what's causing it, LACK OF SLEEP! I've reflected upon my sleeping schedule for the last X amount of time and I've concluded that I've been getting an average of 6 1/2 to 7 1/2 hours of sleep a night. That's no good as I need at least 8 to be fully rested (Proven by my schedule at home before I came to college). This means that (warning math ahead)

W=Week

N=Hour per Night

X= period of time that I remember sleeping

(7 1/2N * W) - (8N * W)=-3 1/2 NW

-3 1/2 NW * X = -3 1/2 NWX

So I've been going down nearly a full nights sleep over 2W.  And I've been doing that for X, so I've lost a LOT of sleep. People can run on a power drain for a while, some longer than others. This shows me my stamina, but it means (If this is indeed the problem) That it will take weeks to straighten out. Not good.

Good news though, CLASS WAS CANCELLED! Well most classes, all the morning stuff was cancelled but there is still practice for the choir tour in the afternoon :S. 

An accurate description of Choir practice is unattainable, but I'll do my best. We do a scene, Tom tells us its not good enough, we repeat four or five times before we get so board and fed up with that scene that we begin to forget our lines, and start adding things or changing word or phrases so it sounds ridiculas or funny.

So is the life of a student at MCC.

Still?

Edit/Note:Ok, I have to apologise for this one. I scared some people to death (sorry mom[and bad pun]) with this post, so I will explain. I AM NOT SUICIDAL. This was a dig at Nickleback and Linkin Park, because their music if really depressing and pointless and just generally sucks. It was also a dig at how James was in charge of keeping the college clean.

That feeling I had from last time still lingers around me. It's making me slightly poetic and slightly emotional. Makes me glad I can't find my Nickleback CD (Nickelback is so depressing!), and that I've been off Youtube for a while because I'd be listening to Linkin Park (Linkin Park is depressing too!), there'd cutting wrists in no time, and James would be so mad, because it really isn't the cleanest way to go and he'd have to clean it up.

I dunno, the alternative to killing myself seems to be seeing poetry in everything. I was listening to Swichfoot coming back to the college, and I was hearing them say something about shadows, then light, then shadows again, then light again. Then I heard shadows and light in the same sentence! I'm not too sure what they said (I wasn't really listening) but what I heard was "the shadows prove to me that there is light". If that isn't the makings of a good poem, I dunno who I am. And my friend was hitting me with some weird "philosophical" questions. One of them was "If the vultures circle and eat dead animals, who eats the dead vultures?". An interesting question, "Who eats the scavengers?” At first I brushed it off saying something to the lines of "Others scavengers.", but would be an interesting thing to explore in a poem.

I kinda hope this mood sticks around for awhile; I might be able to write a good book, or at least get a couple decent poems out of it.

P.S. I'm working on identifying the cause as you read.

The Feeling

I've been feeling weird today, so I though I'd take it out on my poor blog by updating it.

So here is how I feel today:

That feeling you get, after an epic movie, or after an amazing novel. That same feeling of after you've climbed the mountain, when you've become the best at something. How you feel when you've achieved all of your goals, that feeling you get when there are no, or too many challenges before you. That feeling when you know that everything is going to change, and the same feeling you get when nothing has changed. That feeling you get after you've lost someone important, the same when you've realized that you've lost no one. That feeling you get while you're in you room staring at the ceiling for the umpteenth time, that feeling you get when your hanging out with your friends and your staring at a wall with your mind wandering. That feeling you get when your listening to music in a minor key, that feeling you get when you realize there will be a tomorrow. That feeling that makes you question everything you've ever done, that feeling that makes you ask, "What now?"